Housewife Confessions Mental Health

Our Pregnancy Loss Story

We’d been counting down the days until our second ultrasound. We were overwhelmingly excited in the best possible way. My husband and I walked into the ultrasound room filled with hope and anticipation. We were finally going to see our baby! And we would get one of those cute ultrasound pictures to show our loved ones.

Content Warning: This post contains information about pregnancy, miscarriage, and depression that could be upsetting for some readers.

But that’s not how the day went. During the ultrasound we quickly realized that I’d had a miscarriage. The news was absolutely unexpected and quite tragic. We truly had no idea. Everything seemed so perfect. So normal.

The Before

When we found out about our pregnancy we were thrilled. It’s something we wanted more than anything in the world. All of our dreams were finally coming true.

My heart was filled with love. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I started talking to my baby. I told them stories. I told them how much I loved them. My body started changing. I started showing. It was spectacular and super exciting. My love continued to grow substantially.

Me, proudly showing my belly.

The first ultrasound went perfectly. Everything was progressing as it should. I’d been experiencing the emotions and physical changes that a pregnant woman should be experiencing.

My husband at our first OB appointment. He’s holding our first ultrasound photo.

I craved radishes. I ate extremely healthy and worked out daily. I was committed to my pregnancy and my baby completely. And I was taking tons of naps. Seriously. So many naps.

So we had every reason to believe that things would be perfect at our second ultrasound….

The News

When we saw our second ultrasound on the screen we both knew. My husband squeezed my had with all the gentle strength he had. We were both heartbroken. We knew exactly what the images on the screen meant.

Everything after that felt like a heavy fog or a far off echo. My OB kindly spoke with me. She patiently made sure I understood everything. She explained that the yolk sac and all traces of my baby were gone, and bleeding had started (subchorionic hemorrhage).

We left the OB office and cried in the car for what felt like forever. We called our loved ones and told them. We called my general practitioner and told her that I wanted to discuss therapy options. And we went home.

Over the next several days I began physically experiencing my miscarriage; heavy bleeding, intense cramping, nausea, etc… It all became very real. It hurt physically. But it destroyed me emotionally. It was psychologically debilitating. At times it’s seemed unbearable.

Moving Forward

It’s been 4 days since we learned about our pregnancy loss. It’s all still happening. This won’t be easy. We need to grieve. We need to put the broken pieces of our hearts back together. I need to heal physically and recover mentally. It will take time.

We will always love the baby we lost. They will be a part of our family forever. And I trust that we will be okay.

We will take care of each other. And will try again.

Why I’m Sharing

My friend and my OB both told me that first trimester miscarriages are more common than people think. People simply don’t talk about it. About 10 to 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, with about 80 percent of miscarriages happening in the first trimester. So if you’ve gone through this, I want you to know that you are not alone. I want you to know that you are not the only one. I’m sharing this in case you are also having a tough time. I’m sharing because I want you to know that you are not alone.

And for the people who will say; “at least you weren’t further along”, “at least it happened early”, or any statement insinuating that a first trimester miscarriage is “easier”. I want to say that no miscarriage is easy. A miscarriage means a lost child, no matter when it occurs. There was a baby. I told that baby I loved them. My husband and I imagined a future for them. And our baby died. Nothing about that is easy or better because it happened earlier.

I’m also sharing now because I need to move forward. My husband and I need to move forward with hope. I honestly don’t know what else to say right now. We will move forward.

Sincerely, Elizabeth BanksUncustomary Housewife

Mental Health Resources

Crisis Text Line
The Crisis Text Line is free, 24/7 support for those in crisis.
United States and Canada: Text HOME to 741741
United Kingdom: Text HOME to 85258
Ireland: Text HOME to 50808
Web: http://www.crisistextline.org

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
If you or someone you know is in crisis, whether they are considering suicide or not, please call the toll-free Lifeline to speak with a trained Crisis Counselor 24/7.
Call: 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)
Web: suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Uncustomary Housewife Mental Health Directory
In this blog post you’ll find two lists; a list of Crisis and Help Lines and a list of Supportive Communities. 
Web: Uncustomary Housewife Mental Health Directory 

35 comments on “Our Pregnancy Loss Story

  1. Lisa Doolin

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. I had a miscarriage back in 2005. I still think of my angel baby. Love and prayers for you and doc

  2. Belinda Lester

    My sincerest condolences, warmest thoughts, and all the love and prayers to you. I know there are no words to make this feel better; I know because I too, lost my first baby to miscarriage, and recently lost our third in a miscarriage as well. If you ever need to talk or have someone to just listen, call or message me. I know it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other but I’m always here for you. ❤️

  3. Wendy Lykins

    I am so sorry! Love & Prayers for you both. ❤️🙏🏻

    • Although I haven’t been through this, I want to send you love and hope. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for speaking out and being an advocate. Your loss is very fresh., and I hope you feel the love and support you need as you grieve. Sending you love, hugs, and prayers.

  4. Beverly Penix

    So sorry to learn this. Prayers for a speedy recovery and let God fill your heart with his mercy and grace!

  5. Robb Rainwater Wallen

    So very sorry for your loss. I have had 2 angels fly away. One at 8 weeks and one at 12 weeks. Please know there is a future and our angel babies will always be there with us. Love to you both.

  6. Courtney Music

    Elizabeth and Park,
    My heart breaks for you. People have asked me to try and use my words to describe how I felt each time. Sometimes the words are there and sometimes there are none. The best way I can ever say it… I have all this love to give for little people I’ll never meet and some days I feel like I have no where for that love to go. Even after all this time… Moving forward, however you choose to do so, is exactly what’s best. Don’t let anyone tell you how or to what degree you are allowed to grieve. Because I promise I’ve never had them leave my mind or heart a moment since they had to go. It comes in waves. And that’s okay. I hate this for you both. It’s the most bittersweet and beautiful heartache I ever known. My heart aches for you and with you. It’s not talked about enough. Thank you for all your strength you put out into this world. If you ever need me, I’m here to hear you.
    All my love and thoughts,
    Court

  7. I am so very sorry for your loss! Words are simply inadequate for times such as this. Please know that you will continue to be in my thoughts and in my prayers. May the Gods wrap you in love, warmth, healing, and support as you grieve for this child.

  8. So sorry for your loss. Praying for you and Parker. ❤

  9. Jennifer & Harkless

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel my husband and I lost our baby when I was 10 weeks. We had tried for 12 years to conceive. It was very emotional for us and after that I never conceived again. We always celebrate in memory of our baby and we have a ordimant on our tree every year. To help me grieve I would write letters and attach it to a balloon and ask God to plz let our baby get them. But God is good and he knows best in our lives because we adopted two siblings and they needed us as much as we needed them. GOD IS GOOD!! Keep the faith even when it seems ur drowning because he has a plan. Many prayers and much love for u both.

  10. Bertha Wright

    So sorry 😢she/he already knew all the love you both have🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

  11. Barbara Price Stacy

    So very sorry for your loss.

  12. Sharon Branham

    My dear friends. I am so saddened to know of your loss. I am very proud of you both for sharing your story.
    No one can take away your pain and sorrow. This will be a path you will walk together hand in hand.
    I know your pain. My first pregnancy was an ectopic and it ruptured and nearly killed me. My second pregnancy ended with eclampsia. My son lived for 33 days. I was thankful to get to love him as you have your angel from the moment I discovered I was pregnant. I was so happy. We never know the reasons behind the pain we suffer. Know you and P are loved for by many and all of us will pray for your strength, understanding, and peace. Much love ❤️

  13. Tina roberts

    So sorry! Prayers for you both!

  14. Carol Ann Mauriello

    Elizabeth, I had been thinking about you these last weeks, wondering why I hadn’t seen your smiling face on FB lately. I am so, so sorry for your pregnancy loss. My condolences to both you and husband. Carol NAMI Morehead ________________________________

  15. I am so sorry for your loss. When God does give you that little one you are excited to have you both will be amazing parents. I love you both.

  16. Merry Jo

    Words may comfort you but time will mend the 💔 I know the pain you are enduring having had 4 miscarriages in the first trimester. As you said it doesn’t matter which trimester it is the the reality that your baby is no longer there will be with you forever! My sister delivered stillborn at 38 weeks, it was just as devastating!!! I pray time will heal your broken heart and you stay strong that God will bless you with another precious gift just as he did before. He reason for taking his gift back is unknown but he knows why.. 🙏🙏

  17. Karen Roseberry

    I’m so sorry for your loss Elizabeth and Parker. Although I’ve never experienced that myself, my son and daughter-in-law have very recently (Andy and Sara). And I get it. That was my son’s baby, my grandchild. The pain is real. We will see them in Heaven someday.

  18. Francis Whitt

    Eilizabeth,and Parker.I. am so sorry for your loss.. I personally have never experienced A Loss Of A Child.my heart goes out to you both.,Someday ,you all can see and hold your baby.Your baby was a angel.!I have always thought Sometimes the Lord above picks the best of Angels.! Your baby I feel is in the arms of Jesus.I do not know what to say other than what I did .i hope and pray I have said something in some small way to help you both.May God Bless this Sweet and Love couple by so many If there is anything I can do just give me a call.Bless this couple and comfort them please.A doctor told me once when I had cried so much from the loss of a loved one .She said ‘crying is good for the soul”

  19. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart just breaks for you! Please know that you’re both in my prayers!

  20. Madge (Harris) Sbonek

    So very sorry for you and Parker, I understand these feelings, I had a miscarriage back in the early seventies. There were no ultrasounds then.
    My prayers and thoughts are with you both

  21. It’s a very difficult time for everyone and can be so confusing. I’m sorry for your family’s loss but so proud of you for having the strength to share, especially so soon! I’ve experienced this heartbreak before, and you’ll be shocked by the difference you can make by just speaking up about it around other women carrying the same burden. I hope that you find your way through this hard time.

  22. I am so, so sorry x There are no words, but please know that we are all with you x You are not alone.

  23. I am so sorry for your loss.

  24. Dwayne Davis

    Elizabeth, a moving story. I admire that you are sharing your experience: your story will undoubtedly reach many that can relate. My sincere condolences, but I know you and Parker will one day receive your blessing.
    And your writings are certainly a reflection on your dear mother – evidence that a passion for words is in your blood.

  25. Armanda Perry

    Thank you for sharing. So very sorry to both of you. We are currently going through an early pregnancy loss as well. It is and has been rough. Thoughts and prayers for you both and the strength to help you through this.

  26. I hope you will get everything very soon.

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