I don’t wanna share this, but I feel a responsibility to. I’ve been struggling for a few years. I’m having some trouble keeping my head above water. And I need to share my thoughts with you.
I feel like, everyone I know is in an old school LOTR style battle together. Everyone has small injuries, but are doing fine. And I’m running around putting bandages on everyone’s scratches. But I have a body full of arrows. I’m running around like a human pincushion. I’ve taken the worst of the wounds in the battle. But no one seems to notice. They just keep taking bandages and telling me how much pain they are in. They don’t notice my arrows…
And that isn’t anyone’s fault. That’s not how people are wired. People live inside their own heads, and I get that. No one is intentionally letting me run around filled with arrows. Because their wounds are also valid.
But I’m officially out of bandages to give. And I’m completely exhausted. And it’s too easy to feel alone when you feel bad. It’s too easy to be irrational.
We’re all in the battle together. But sometimes it can feel lonely. And my support system is spectacular. Really. I love them. Which makes all of this so weird. And super off base.
It’s all lies.
Bad mental health can do weird things to our mind. It can make us believe no one cares about us. But I know people love me. I know people care.
So my point is this, when we are feeling mentally debilitated we don’t think straight. Bad mental health can turn us dark and cold. It’s happened to me a lot lately. I don’t think straight. I become too critical of myself and those I love. But all of this is temporary. And I know it won’t last forever.
I know my support system cares. I know I’m being overly critical of my companions. And I know it’s my bad mental health talking. Because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my support system would stand beside me through anything. I know they would help me.
But when I’m feeling low, my mind can go dark places. It can convince me that they don’t care. Or that they are simply using me for my bandages. None of that is true.
It’s easy to overlook their arrows. I’m sure they have their own arrows and big wounds. And I’ve failed to notice them, because I’m too busy looking at my own. And I’m sure I have bandages from them, too. Just as they have bandages from me. Because that’s friendship.
But, again, when we feel low we lose perspective. Our mind plays tricks on us. But battles can only last so long. So hold on.
And when I come out of this battle, I sincerely hope I’m still the person who runs around giving bandages to everyone. I want to hold others up. I never want to keep score. I never want to be bitter. I want to be kind.
Because I sincerely love being the bandage person.
Sincerely, Elizabeth Banks — Uncustomary Housewife
Mental Health Resources Crisis Text Line The Crisis Text Line is free, 24/7 support for those in crisis. United States and Canada: Text HOME to 741741 United Kingdom: Text HOME to 85258 Ireland: Text HOME to 50808 Web: http://www.crisistextline.org National Suicide Prevention Lifeline If you or someone you know is in crisis, whether they are considering suicide or not, please call the toll-free Lifeline to speak with a trained Crisis Counselor 24/7. Call: 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK) Web: suicidepreventionlifeline.org Uncustomary Housewife Mental Health Directory In this blog post you’ll find two lists; a list of Crisis and Help Lines and a list of Supportive Communities. Web: Uncustomary Housewife Mental Health Directory