I don’t wanna share this, but I feel a responsibility to. I’ve been struggling for a few years. I’m having some trouble keeping my head above water. And I need to share my thoughts with you.
I feel like, everyone I know is in an old school LOTR style battle together. Everyone has small injuries, but are doing fine. And I’m running around putting bandages on everyone’s scratches. But I have a body full of arrows. I’m running around like a human pincushion. I’ve taken the worst of the wounds in the battle. But no one seems to notice. They just keep taking bandages and telling me how much pain they are in. They don’t notice my arrows…
And that isn’t anyone’s fault. That’s not how people are wired. People live inside their own heads, and I get that. No one is intentionally letting me run around filled with arrows. Because their wounds are also valid.
But I’m officially out of bandages to give. And I’m completely exhausted. And it’s too easy to feel alone when you feel bad. It’s too easy to be irrational.
We’re all in the battle together. But sometimes it can feel lonely. And my support system is spectacular. Really. I love them. Which makes all of this so weird. And super off base.
It’s all lies.
Bad mental health can do weird things to our mind. It can make us believe no one cares about us. But I know people love me. I know people care.
So my point is this, when we are feeling mentally debilitated we don’t think straight. Bad mental health can turn us dark and cold. It’s happened to me a lot lately. I don’t think straight. I become too critical of myself and those I love. But all of this is temporary. And I know it won’t last forever.
I know my support system cares. I know I’m being overly critical of my companions. And I know it’s my bad mental health talking. Because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my support system would stand beside me through anything. I know they would help me.
But when I’m feeling low, my mind can go dark places. It can convince me that they don’t care. Or that they are simply using me for my bandages. None of that is true.
It’s easy to overlook their arrows. I’m sure they have their own arrows and big wounds. And I’ve failed to notice them, because I’m too busy looking at my own. And I’m sure I have bandages from them, too. Just as they have bandages from me. Because that’s friendship.
But, again, when we feel low we lose perspective. Our mind plays tricks on us. But battles can only last so long. So hold on.
And when I come out of this battle, I sincerely hope I’m still the person who runs around giving bandages to everyone. I want to hold others up. I never want to keep score. I never want to be bitter. I want to be kind.
Because I sincerely love being the bandage person.
Sincerely, Elizabeth Banks — Uncustomary Housewife
Mental Health Resources Crisis Text Line The Crisis Text Line is free, 24/7 support for those in crisis. United States and Canada: Text HOME to 741741 United Kingdom: Text HOME to 85258 Ireland: Text HOME to 50808 Web: http://www.crisistextline.org National Suicide Prevention Lifeline If you or someone you know is in crisis, whether they are considering suicide or not, please call the toll-free Lifeline to speak with a trained Crisis Counselor 24/7. Call: 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK) Web: suicidepreventionlifeline.org Uncustomary Housewife Mental Health Directory In this blog post you’ll find two lists; a list of Crisis and Help Lines and a list of Supportive Communities. Web: Uncustomary Housewife Mental Health Directory
Thanks for this Elizabeth ❤️🩹
Love this post, Elizabeth!! I think the way you stated everything your unhealthy mind is saying as a fact gives an idea of what’s actually going on in our brain and then the following explanation shows our rational side that knows exactly what’s going on, but when in a dark phase, the wrong ideas really look as facts and they hurt and make us angry and irrational. I might use this technique next time I need to explain to someone something that depression makes me think!
Well done for learning to recognize it’s the sickness that’s talking, not you, and thanks a lot for this post 🙂
And, by the way, cool analogy the LOTR battle 😉
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It’s interesting to see you use a LOTR analogy. I’ve long thought of depression as looking like Grima Wormtongue, and acting like him – that whispering voice, the darkness, the evil intentions, the way he can take control and influence. It takes a lot to silence him, to push him away. And he knows well how to speak to us and get under our skin because he’s made in our subconscious, created in our thoughts, and he knows our weaknesses.
I hope you reach out to a counsellor and/or one of the resources you post for others, they can be great to help us sort out our true selves from the Grimas in the back of our minds, and help us push back on them. There’s a lot of extra stuff going on right now that’s harder than normal, and it’s a LOT to deal with, so please remember you don’t need to be the bandage person all the time (even if it’s something you normally enjoy).
I’m just a random stranger from the internet, sending you strength and hoping you can have more times of clarity than times of darkness right now.
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