Human Limitations

Misunderstandings are an unavoidable aspect of human interaction. We can never really guarantee that others will perceive us accurately or fairly. Generally, people have good intentions. Most misunderstandings arise due to human limitations rather than malicious intent; our diverse perspectives, communication styles, and personal biases can all contribute.

Simply put, our capacity for understanding each other is sometimes limited. I’ve been misunderstood a lot during my life. And it’s weighing heavily on me today. So, I’m gonna mentally unpack this while I have my morning coffee. Here we go…

Personal Limitations

I’ve come to accept that I can’t micromanage how others perceive me or my intentions. Pushing myself to ensure that everyone comprehends me perfectly isn’t a sustainable or healthy approach. Neither for myself nor for those around me. It’s like running on a treadmill that never stops. It drains my energy and leaves me feeling depleted. And it’s not fair to anyone involved.

It’s a personal fault I’ve learned to acknowledge. This is a hard truth. It’s about embracing the reality that not everyone will see things from my perspective or share my values. We all have our unique perspectives, experiences, and limitations that influence how we interpret and communicate with each other.

Let go

Simply put, some people just aren’t compatible with me. I can’t be friends with everyone. There will be people who misunderstand me due to miscommunication. There will be people who misunderstand me due to their own biases and experiences. And there will be people who just don’t like me, and aren’t concerned with understanding me. And that’s okay.

Honestly, this realization gob smacked me. Like… wait… you mean I’m not responsible for clarifying everything all the time? You mean I can step off the never-ending treadmill of universal understanding? Thank goodness.

I’ll never gain universal understanding. And that’s a normal part of the human experience. It’s okay.

Malicious Intent

There are also external factors that impact our perception of each other. One of the most potent among them is gossip. We’re all susceptible to it, some more than others.

Personally, when I’m aware that gossip is circulating about me, it triggers a profound sense of insecurity. It’s disheartening, particularly when I notice a shift in how people treat me. Often with a noticeable lack of respect originated from the gossip.

In such situations, I find myself compelled to assertively advocate for myself, to set the record straight, and confront the gossip head-on. In a sense, addressing it directly becomes a means of reclaiming my sense of dignity and ensuring that perceptions of me are based on reality rather than hearsay.

Let them

I’m working to adopt the mindset: Let them. Let them have their opinions, let them spread their rumors, let them engage in behaviors that do not align with my values. By relinquishing the desire to constantly correct or change others’ perceptions, I free myself of the burden.

And ‘let them’ doesn’t mean I passively accept mistreatment or injustice. Nope. It empowers me to choose my battles wisely. I can respond with grace and dignity. It’s a reminder that I have agency over how I navigate challenging situations and that I don’t need validation from others to affirm my worth.

Bullies

But, why is this so hard? For this answer, I had to look backwards. My journey of feeling misunderstood traces back to my childhood experiences with school bullies. Their words and actions planted seeds of doubt and insecurity within me. It shaped my perception of myself and how I interact with others. The wounds from those early encounters linger. They influence my approach to social interactions and my desire for validation.

As I grow older, I’ve realized that the impact of those experiences didn’t fade away. Instead, they manifested in my relationships and the company I’ve sometimes found myself keeping. Whether it’s individuals who engage in toxic behaviors like gossip or those who fail to understand or appreciate me for who I am, the echoes of those childhood bullies reverberate in my interactions with others.

Spectrum perspective

Navigating social misunderstandings can be challenging. And I have autism, so it’s like running a gauntlet. A gauntlet on a treadmill that never stops.

Autism itself is widely misunderstood, a fact which further contributes to my struggle with accepting others’ perceptions, particularly when I feel misrepresented. To be frank, I care too much about how others perceive me, and being neurodiverse adds a hurdle to my treadmill workout.

Company I keep

So, I’m choosing not to dwell on gossip and misrepresentation. Honestly, if someone is into gossip, they aren’t company I want to keep anyway. I shouldn’t let their gossip live rent free in my mind. Essentially, it’s a matter of acknowledging the gossip without allowing it to affect me negatively. Their gossip is their business; my peace of mind is mine.

So, when I hear that people are gossiping about me, I simply let them. ‘Okay, go on, y’all, be toxic,’ I say to myself, ‘I’m going to free my mind of it and spread good vibes.‘

Disengage

I’m coming to terms with the fact that being misunderstood is an inevitable part of life. The best solution may not always involve gaining the comprehension of others. And constantly seeking others’ understanding may not always be the healthiest path. Sometimes, the healthiest choice is to disengage and accept that I won’t always be accurately understood.

It’s empowering to realize that it’s okay not to be fully understood by everyone.

And I have a lot more positive energy now. The vibe is changing. And I like it.

Sincerely,
Elizabeth
Uncustomary Housewife