There are some sincerely ugly parts of depression and anxiety, and they aren’t easy to talk about. I recently wrote a blog post about the darker parts of my mental health, and how Ryan Reynolds helped pull me through it. It was a vulnerable post, and I was seriously terrified to publish it. First, I was terrified that people would judge me harshly for opening up about something so personal. Second, I wasn’t sure that people would understand the Ryan Reynolds aspect of the post. Third, after the blog was published, everyone would know about my mental illness… from strangers, to friends, and acquaintances. Hitting “publish” would mean that everyone would know about my bipolar disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder. Nevertheless, I hit “publish”, and I’m glad that I did.
It has opened me up to the world of mental health blogging, and now I’m much more comfortable sharing the vulnerable parts of my life… I want to share these things for two reasons; (1) to educate people who don’t understand, and (2) to show people like me that they are not alone.
Shortly after publishing the Ryan Reynolds post to my blog, it was published on The Mighty: A Mental Health Blog. You can read the full and original post on my blog by visiting; What Ryan Reynolds Means to Me: Maximum Anxiety Effort. You can also view my publication on The Mighty Site, by visiting; Knowing That Ryan Reynolds Has Anxiety Changed My Life.
Below you will find a short except from the original post on my blog…
Post Excerpt – What Ryan Reynolds Means to Me:
I was ready to completely disappear, and I was convinced that no one would notice. In my mind I had fallen too far, and standing back up was impossible. I also equated my mental health issues with weakness, which debilitated my situation even further. I had given up, and in my mind I was weak.
Now, on to the Ryan Reynolds of it all. My memories from that block of time are fleeting. Think about the way you remember a nightmare, weeks after you’ve had it: you can recall the cold sweat and misery of it all, but not the details… and the details you can recall don’t add up.
There is only one thing I remember clearly: Ryan Reynolds could always make me laugh. I bet I watched “The Voices” and “Deadpool” at least once a day, every day, for several months. No joke. I was numb to the world, but I remember Ryan Reynolds.
In December of that year Ryan Reynolds was on the cover of GQ’s “Men of the Year” Magazine, and, of course my husband got a copy for me. Honestly, my husband would have done anything to pull me out of my depression…
While reading it I stumbled upon a very small statement that, dare I say, changed my life. Ryan Reynolds was talking about his reaction when Deadpool was finished, and he said the following; “I had a little bit of a nervous breakdown. I literally had the shakes. I went to go see a doctor because I felt like I was suffering from a neurological problem or something. And every doctor I saw said, ‘You have anxiety’.”
I read the paragraph several times. I had been virtually emotionless for months, and suddenly I felt the overwhelming desire to cry. I broke the statuesque depression that I had been fossilized in, and I cried. I felt so relieved. For the first time since my depression spiral I didn’t feel like my mental illness was a result of weakness. I mean, if someone like Ryan Reynolds could hit a wall, then maybe it was okay, right?
As odd as it sounds, reading that Ryan Reynolds had anxiety strengthened me. It normalized my situation.
There is a quote in Deadpool; “Life is an endless series of train wrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness.” That quote summarizes the way anxiety makes me feel. Happiness is never “just happiness” with me. For me, happiness always comes riddled with anxiety about when the happiness will end, and why. It’s an overwhelming and constant fear that is ever-so-present in my life… Read the full post here; What Ryan Reynolds Means to Me: Maximum Anxiety Effort.
This may seem silly… that the words of an actor mean so much to me… but they do, they mean a tremendous amount to me. Probably more than you could imagine.
When I was in the depths of darkness and depression, Ryan Reynolds could make me smile… and that’s worth something. When I felt worthless, Ryan Reynolds told people about his anxiety, and it made me feel like I wasn’t alone… and that’s priceless.
I really hope you’ll read my full post… and if you’ve ever felt like this: please remember, you are not alone.
Where to Find this Post:
You can read the original post (with photos) on my blog by visiting; What Ryan Reynolds Means to Me: Maximum Anxiety Effort.
You can view my edited publication on The Mighty Site, by visiting; Knowing That Ryan Reynolds Has Anxiety Changed My Life.
Sincerely, Uncustomary Housewife