I am a geek. I don’t require much for Christmas… only the following list, in no particular order, but delivered to me in its entirety;
1.) I need Zachary Quinto (new Spock) to comment on the following; If Spock and Uhura have a baby will it have adorable Vulcan ears? Since Spock is a Vulcan/human hybrid I’m scared the Vulcan genes will eventually breed out. I can elaborate on Vulcan genetics, if needed.
2.) I want Ryan Reynolds to personally explain why Wade Wilson was dishonorably discharged. He is required to bring the Mr. Pool suit to our conversation. Dopinder, Weasel, and Al are optional, but would be appreciated. Dopinder can bring Gita.
3.) I’d like to go fishing and hunting with Chris Pratt. Afterwards we can process our own game while listening to Awesome Mix Vol. 1. Then we can ride motorcycles with some velociraptors. Then listen to Awesome Mix Vol. 2.
4.) I would like J.J. Abrams to personally explain Ray’s family background to me, I would like Daisy Ridley to be present for the conversation.
5.) I need Zachary Quinto to teach me how to perform the Vulcan Nerve Pinch… this isn’t a “want”, it’s an absolute NEED. Vulcans never bluff.
6.) I would like to be friends with Eli Roth and Quentin Tarantino. Like, real friends. That text each other all the time and meet for brunch and stuff… Don’t judge, brunch is awesome!
7.) I want more battle movies (Like ‘Civil War’ and ‘Dawn of Justice’). Possible examples; Quicksilver v. The Flash, Optimus Prime v. Robocop v. Terminator, Hulk v. The Thing, Aquaman v. Johnny Storm, Unicorn v. Death Star, Ogden v. Jor-EL, etc… We can get creative. I can make up working titles.
8.) I want a Spider-Man faceoff movie, where every living person who has played Spider-Man puts on their Spidey Suit and then participates in a battle of wits and bravery, leaving only one Supreme Spider-Man. We can even CGI in the animated versions. Stan Lee cameo required.
9.) I want Christian Bale to be in Jared Leto’s Joker movie – But not as Bruce Wayne – as Patrick Bateman, from American Psycho. Both Bateman and the Joker are completely insane, and I love it.. They can exchange business cards at the video store.
10.) I want R2-D2. Yes, I want the droid R2-D2 to come live with me. How cool would it be when his droid friends come over? Hanging out with C-3PO and BB-8. I’ll need to learn the Binary language. “Sprrpft!” I’m sure Daisy Ridley will help me, since we will become besties. (Note: Don’t tape a toy R2-D2 to a Rumba. I’ll know the difference. That isn’t the droid I’m looking for.)
That’s it, for now. So, someone get Ellen DeGeneres or the Wizard of Oz on the phone… and let’s make some miracles happen!
Thank you, in advance. Live Long and Prosper.